What makes love last? Why does it fade? How do we decide if our partner is who we need them to be? Unconsciously, we regularly look to them for reassurance and wonder:

• Are you interested in me?
• Are you there for me when I need you?
• Am I special to you?
• Do you love me?

When we feel the answers to these questions are positive we feel safe. If we're unsure, we begin testing - looking for proof. Often we set ourselves up for failure and just end up arguing, which makes us feel less secure and begins a vicious cycle. So how do you stop this and communicate in productive ways that maintain a loving attachment? How do you break the cycle when conflict begins to weaken your connection with each other?

When it comes to relationships, think of having a ‘Love Bank’. When you first start dating, there's generally a vast amount and time and energy spent on your relationship. Consequently, there are lots and lots of deposits and the bank balance grows and grows to over-flowing. Unfortunately, as reality settles in – we have work, friends, family, children, community commitments, etc. and it just isn't sustainable to continue directing so much time or energy solely on each other. Often times, the little energy we have left, while well intentioned, can be misdirected. We think to ourselves “I’d really like that … so I’ll do that for them” and if your partner's needs are the same as yours, this will work well. However, if they aren't, those efforts will fall flat. You can find yourself trying harder and harder, to be more giving, caring, helpful, etc in an effort to get things back on track, but find that no matter how hard you try nothing changes. We begin to feel confused, frustrated, resentful and even hopeless.