What makes love last? Why does it fade? How do we decide if our partner is who we need them to be? Unconsciously, we regularly look to them for reassurance and wonder:
Maintaining Loving Attachment
Couple’s tend to send our signals or ‘bids’ that indicate they want attention, support or connection. Understanding these ‘bids’ can help you recognise that the argument you thought was over nothing was really your partner testing and listening out for, “Do you care about me?”. It’s quite easy to identify these bids when things are going well, but crucial in challenging times. All too often we miss these bids because we are too busy being right and justifying our position.
Learn to recognise when your partner is making a ‘bid’ to feel closer and more connected to ensure you keep that ‘loving feeling’ in your relationship:
The Difference Between Men and Women
Both men and women want intimacy but go about it differently. Typically women need to feel emotional intimacy before being sexually intimate, whereas men need sexual intimacy in order to be emotionally intimate. It is helpful if both partners are aware of these innate differences and work towards creating a balance. Men need to tune into what their partner needs rather than focusing on feeling rejected, and woman need to see their partners sexual impulse as a bid for connection and guide them on what they need in terms of emotional connection.
What you Can Do
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DEBORAH FARRELL (MCounPsych)